Well, here it is!

I told you I’d try and post more often. And here I am!

So, what’s new? Well… lots of stuff has happened. Good stuff, i think… for the most part.  I’m sure you’ve kept up with the details through Jim’s blog. Recently we had some friends take us (Jim & I)  out for coffee and basically (I’m summarizing a 2 hour coversation here) tell us that we are squandering our God-given gifts and abilities and that we should be on staff at a church… and their new church, in particular. While I appreciated their thoughts and kind words, I have to respectfully disagree… totally and completely.  And that’s okay.

Probably the thing that is getting most of my thinking recently is this idea of “sustainable living”. That is a term that I didn’t even know a couple years ago. Now, it’s my goal in life.  I believe it’s what Father asks of all of us. The idea of “living simply so that others may simply live”; the idea that we here in North America, no matter how poor we claim to be, we are so wealthy!! We are the”rich” that God says will be held accountable for oppressing and exploiting the poor (with our trade practices, consumeristic lifestyles…). This is SO all-encompassing… it affects everything… what we wear, what we buy, what we eat, where it’s grown, how the people who grow it (or manufacture it) are treated and compensated…. “You mean I really have to care about all that??” I think that’s what God is asking of us.

One of hte biggest ways we are trying to adopt a sustainable lifestyle is concentrating on the “3-R’s”: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Lots of people are thinking more about recycling these days and many people who didn’t recycle have started to do it (Yea Heather!!)  That’s great. And it all helps. God has really asked our family to concentrate on the first 2 “R’s”… reducing what we consume is the first step in sustainable living. This has involved taking a real, honest inventory of our needs and wants. It is truly shocking how little we actually NEED to survive. Now, I’m not saying that we have done away with all our “wants”… we are just trying to bring them more in line with what Jesus would want us to want… does that make sense? Well, I hope so because I’m out of time for now.

Hello? Is anybody there?

Just checking in to see if there’s anybody out there still checking in. In the past week or so I’ve had several people ask me why I quit blogging. Well, I didn’t really mean to quit… life just has a way of taking up all the hours in my day!

Anyway, I’m still here and you just never know… maybe I’ll get back to blogging yet. I’ll shoot for one post a month.

Does this count for August’s post?

peace.

Hungry wolves

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The  other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought for a minute and then asked his Grandfather: “Which wolf wins the battle?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

What can I say?

Okay, so it’s been just about forever since I wrote here and believe me… I’ve been hearing about it. Time. I just can’t find the time. There are so many other things that take priority. Never-the-less, here I am!

Life continues to be busy and challenging. Situations happen regularly that make me grateful for the wonderful family and friends that I have.

God has been dealing with me on some issues that have really messed with my head. It’s way too much for me to write about right now but I’l try and put down the short version. It has to do with our way of life and our consumer habits. I am on a journey on which I have begun to develop strong feelings about our earth and the environment and what humanity is doing to it. God reminded me that the very first thing He ever asked mankind to do was to take care of the Earth he had created. (Gen 2:15) I dont’ think we’ve done a very good job on that one. I know I haven’t. Not that I have done things intentionally to harm the planet but I certainly haven’t done anyting to help. And then, over the past few years as I was made aware of some of the growing problems and different solutions were talked about, I kind of ignored them because it would call for too much effort and change on my part. Too much work. So, I did nothing. God also recently reminded me that “carelessness kills; complacency is murder” (Prov. 1:29 Msg) Ouch! Many issues have come to our attention: unsustainable farmming practices, unfair pricing, unfair wages for workers, the greed and lust for more that our culture creates and thrives on, the overwhelming wealth we (in America) posses and how we squander it, the vast amounts ofworld-wide natural resources that our nation consumes and the fact that we produce more garbage than any other nation, the horrible chemicals and poisions and toxins that we have allowed to be put in our food and water that have caused chronic illness of more and more people. (Side note: I work at I hospice… I see the people and the statistics of more and more younger people with colon cancer, stomach cancer, esohageal cancer, liver, pancreatic, bowel cancers… all directly linked to what we put in our boides!) And so… He has asked me to change some things about what we buy, where we buy from, what we eat, what we spend, how far and how often we drive. It’s messing with my head. I’m cheap. I always want the best deal on everything. Well, this way of living is not the cheapest way but I am learning why (when you pay the workers a fair wage for the work they do the price of what you are purchasing goes up! Imagine that!) It costs more to gorw food the “right” way instead of the mass market way. This is a journey for us and we are just at the beginning. We are seeking counsel from those who are farther down the road. Five years ago my college roommate made drastic changes in the life of their family when we 31 year old husband was diagnosed with cancer. They eat only organic and home grown foods and take natural supplements, have a reverse osmosis water filtration system for their home, use all eco friendly household products… quite extreme. After surgery shortly after the diagnosis and these life changes her husband has been cancer free for 4 years. Makes you wonder, huh?

Anyway, I’m not sure where we will land with all of this. I don’t think we will go to the extreme measures that my roommates family has, but who knows. Never say never, right? Whatever the case, it is calling for me to change. Change is hard but I feel like it’s the right thing to do so I am pursuing God and trusting that He will lead me through this.

The amazing thing about this whole thing is that God began dealing with Jim on some of these same issues at the same time. We are journeying through this together and it’s so good to be in step with each other and supportive of one another through these changes. I am so in love with that man. It blows my mind that we continue to fall more in love with each other every day. He is the most faithful, reliable, intelligent, humble, hard-working, thoughtful, patient man I have ever known. Last night I had to wrok late (really late) because I was teaching a class. I didn’t get home until just before 10:00pm. Jim is usually in bed between 9 and 9:30 because he has to get up at 4:00 in the morning. I was surprised that he was still up when I got home. We sat and talked for a few minutes and then headed to bed. I said, “Hon you shouldn’t have waited up for me.. you’re going to be so tired in the morning.” He replied, “But seeing you is the highlight of my day.” How do you not love a man like that? I am SO blessed!

There is so much more I could write… I could go on for hours about extended family issues, friends stuff, kid stuff, work stuff, personal stuff, my friend Meeshy and my sister-in-law are both due to have babies at any moment… life is full and I am thankful and content.

Pursuing Peace….

Bring on the New Year

2006 is about to end. I’m not disappointed. This has been a long, hard year filled with losses and disappointments. It hasn’t been with out its’ good times too, but overall it has kinda sucked. The deaths, the losses, the friends leaving, the fear and doubt, the lonliness, the church groups ending… it really has been hard. There have been a couple points this year when I was really unsure if I was going to make it. But, here I am at the end of it. I guess I made it.

Last night we hade some old friends over and I have to tell you, it was probably one of the best evenings I have had in all of 2006. To be honest, I was a little nervous. There is a lot of history with this other couple that had made things a little weird for awhile and there had been a significant amount of time that we had completely lost touch with them. In the past few weeks they had contacted us several times wanting to get together. Once they arrived last night and we started talking they told us why; they said they had read our Christmas letter and were so overwhelmed reading about all that had gone on this year that they wanted to see how we were doing.  We were totally shocked! We spent the next few hours talking, venting, crying, sharing deeply of the pain and frustration we have been dealing with. It was so good to do this. I have had the opportunity to talk to a couple friends through out this year and Jim has his best friend, Rob, in California who he talks to regularly on the phone and I know Rob has been been very supportive. But it was so nice to have people in the same room with us… and then they did something that absolutely undid me; they prayed for us. They didn’t ask, “What can we pray for…” They had been listening as we talked and then they just took us to Father’s throne and interceeded for us. It was like a sweet spring rain falling on my parched soul. This was no “magic” prayer session… there was no big dramatic ‘prayer voice’ or no speaking in tongues or prophetic words or high emotion kind of stuff. It was just two people whose hearts had been burdened for us going to Father for us and with us.

After they left, Jim and I were talking about the evening and he shared that he had felt the same way when they prayed for us. We were trying to figure out when the last time someone had sat with us and prayed for us like that. It was more than 6 months ago. It was Wayne Jacobson, in May, in our living room. Before that… 2 years ago in Cincinnati. No wonder it felt so good. It was weird. I can’t really explain it I just know that I miss it. Thanks, Phil & Meeshy, for hearing the Spirit’s call and for following His direction. You will never know how much last night meant to us.

So, off we go into 2007. The proverbial “New Year’s Resolutions” taunt me. I think back to last year’s resolutions. They didn’t go so well. I was supposed to have some accountbility for last year’s but that didn’t happen at all. So… I guess I’ll try again. What’s the old saying… “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Here I go. Again.

Forever ago

It’s been so long since i wrote anything here. People have probably stopped checking my blog thinking that I had given up on it. No, it’s just one of the growing list of hobbies I used to have that continue to get pushed farther and farther down the list. It’s not that I don’t want to blog…. there’s just no time.

As I sit here there are a million and one things that I could say, any one of which would likely uncork me and would cause a flood of writing that would keep me up the rest of the night. That can’t happen because i have to work tomorrow.

So, the short version? Well, God is good. I love my family. I am overwhelmed by the love of my partner and soul mate, and will be forever grateful that he pursued me even when I tried to scare him off.

Life is very, very complicated and most days I feel ill-equipped to deal with much of it. I am so deeply troubled by the pain of some of those closest to me and I wish so much that I could do something to help. I am continually frustrated that there aren’t enough hours in my day to accomplish all I want and need to do. And I loath the enemy of my soul, for who he is and what he does and the way he manipulates.

I miss my friends; I watch helplessly as my life goes flying by and my children grow up right before my eyes.

I am grateful for the bounty and prosperity into which I (and my family) were born but I detest the greed and consumerism that continually crowd out the elusive contentment I so desperately crave in my heart, my home, my family, my life.

I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

Back so soon?

Yeah… I’m writing again. Twice in the same week.

Went to court with Lisa and family today. She’s going to trial. I just can’t even begin to describe how much this SUCKS. It’s a disgrace! Horrible and awful. I spent the rest of the afternoon with Lisa and family and friends at Craig and Lisa’s house. I sat holding Lisa (Garner) while she cried and said, “Why did Gid even let her (Karlie) come to us if He was just going to take her back and drag us through all of this?  Why is He letting  this happen?” Oh God I could just scream!

September 12 Lisa will go Downtown for the beginnings of the next phase of the Nightmare.

I am so frustrated right now I could just…

I can’t write right now. I used to think of my Blog as “online journaling”. One problem… that’s all of you reading it. Everthing that threatens to come out of my mind and onto this “virtual paper” right now will likely get me in trouble if anyone ever read it. So, I’m going to go write it where nobody else can see it.

I am SO mad!!

HAVE MERCY!

Man! The harassment a girl gets when she doesn’t blog often enough! And just for the record… I am right on schedule with my OWN time table. If you look down at my “archives” (scroll down… it’s on the right) you’ll notice that I have been blogging once a month. This is my AUGUST entry! Geez whiz, people!

Okay… now that I’m here what do I say? See… this is the problem. There is always too much to say so I never sit down to write because I don’t have the time to say all I want to say. However, I don’t dare go one more day with out a “happier” post. So here it is!

Happy news. We had a really fantastic time at the First Annual Hovey Summer Bash… great house and yard, perfect weather, two live bands, lots of good friends, margarittas and jello shots… what more can I say?! It was fabulous! Consider yourself invited for next years event. Check out some pictures here 

Other happy news… we got a dog! She’s fabulous! We rescued her from the Humane Society and she has become a real joy to have around. She’s a Beagle/Shepherd mix, about 29 pounds, 21 inches, surprisingly quiet… I’ve only heard her bark on 2 occasions… and really, really good with the kids. Her name is Bella-Bear-Best! She’s laying on the floor beside me as I type this. She sleeps in her crate when were are gone and through the night and she doesn’t whine or cry or anything! My family (parents and siblings) don’t care much for dogs so there’s not a lot of excitement from them, which is fine. I’m getting lots of excitement from a couple girls at work. One gave me a “congratulations on your new doggie” card and the other one wants to throw me a “doggie shower”!

Last Tuesday was Lisa’s Preliminary Hearing. We sat through an hour and a half of testimony and the Judge concluded by saying, “I’m pretty sure I’ve reached my decision (as to whether the case should go to trial or be dismissed) but I want a little more time to think about it. We will return here next Tuesday at 1:30 and I will give you my decision.” So, we’ve been waiting all week… hanging out in that “unknown”. I will go to the Court again this Tuesday to be with the family as we get the news. Amazing how one man holds the power to change a person’s life, huh?

As far as me… well… I’m okay. I’m tired. The summer has been hard. A lot of things I hadn’t planned on, not just Karlie’s death and all (although that’s been a biggie!) This is  my first summer working full time and the childcare situation has been a big stressor for me. Finances continue to be challenging, relationships continue to be more difficult than I want them to be (but I guess that’s authentic community for ya!) and my own addictions continue to plague me.

I am more convinced that ever of my need for authentic relational community and hunger for it more deeply than ever before. I continue to stumble on my journey  but one new thing I have discovered. (Maybe other have know this all along) I have come to realize that I need Christ to walk beside me. My pacing partner… my constant companion. I guess for my whole life I’ve been trying to “follow” Jesus… like He’s somewhere up ahead on the road and I’d better watch my step and make sure I keep up with  Him so I don’t lose sight of Him and ultimately lose my way. He is showing me that He wants towalk beside me… with me… as friends. That’s a new concept for me and I’m trying to figure out how that works for us relationally (Me and Jesus)

Well, as usual… there’s so much more that I want to say but I must go tuck my kids into bed. Love those kids! I took Emi to her Middle School Orientation yesterday…. Sami is turning 8 tomorrow and Josiah is just a really cool kid. Challenging, for sure, but smart and funny, and sensitive…  they’re all great kids and I’m lucky to have them. Along with the best husband in the world.

Life is good.

Until next month…

Hello Again

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Life is busy.

I am feeling a little lost and a lot lonely. The past month has sucked… totally and completely. Most of you who check my blog also check in with Jim’s blog so you know about Karlie. I can’t even put into words how this has affected me. I’m really trying to keep it together. Some days I’m actually successful at it. Things are happening to me mentally and emotionally. Things that are scaring me. I have been afraid to verbalize some of my thoughts. My boss at work insisted that I see one of the Counselors at work… which I did last week. Her recomendation was that I see a Psychiatrist and get on some meds. I told her I’d think about it.

I think I’m losing my faith. No, not my relationship with God, although that has been severely affected, my “faith” … my ability to trust and believe in anything. I have become so skeptical and doubting. And fearful. The same kind of panic and irrational fears that I had after the fire. I don’t want to let me kids out of my sight. JJ spent the week with my parents because my girls had their tonsils out (another whole saga!) and there were a couple of nights that I couldn’t sleep because I was waiting for the phone call to tell me that JJ fell in the lake and drowned. I played it over and over and over in my head. Then I would try and comfort myself by saying, “I know that God wouldn’t let that happen.” That thought was promptly followed by… “Sure He would…He let it happen to Karlie.” It’s all about this “plan” of His… I sat with Sami in the Hospital on Thursday watching my limp, dehydrated, lethargic baby girl lay there on a stretcher thinking… “Oh God… what if somthing goes wrong. What if she is going to be one of those freak stories you hear about on the news… “Littel girl dies of a rare infection contracted during a routine tonsilectomy”… The fears in my head are almost overwhelming.  But God wouldn’t let that happen… or would He? I’m not sure I trust Him. But I’m afraid to admit that. Did you notice that I didn’t actually say “I don’t trust Him”… that would be “wrong”. But really, who am I kidding. I don’t trust Him. There. I said it. Here comes the lightening.

Food and drink have once again become my best friends and constant companions. Several new flavors of Mikes’ on the market now… yummy.

All my adult life I have had lots of friends… lots of people I could call and talk to or go out for coffee with. It’s funny how proximity plays such a big roll in friendships. When I was involved in traditional church there was no shortage of people I could call. Now… it’s a really, really short list. And when my 3 people have other plans… it’s really, really lonely.

I hate feeling like this.

Wow.. what a depressing post! Sorry about that!

Oh My Pistons….

Well, I don't know who they were, those imposters who were wearing the Piston uniforms, but they weren't MY Pistons! No way!!! People are talking about Miami's "great defense"… well it doesn't take much to defend against a team that's only shooting about 27% now, does it? I'm sad… the regular season gave us all hope that they were going all the way again this year. I guess not. Maybe next year. 

Life continues to be busy… the kids are headed into their last week of school. That hardly seems possible! Looking forward to a summer full of adventures!

More later.